We are back…. well, "back"
Posted by: Samuel
With all the site updates and the sexy changes around here we know we have raised a lot of questions. I wanted to use this area to give explanations for the most obvious ones (and the ones that perfectly setup a dick joke), as well as show how some of these changes benefit you, the guy that doesn’t care reader.
Question #1: Why the new site layout?
We were hosting the old site ourselves and I had created the entire thing from scratch. While this sounds impressive, it proved to be more of a job than it was worth. My HTML skills are just enough to get me laid1 so I was technically able to create a functioning site for us; however, posting was a cumbersome process and hindered our production/plagiarism a great deal. No need to go into a lot of detail, but basically all site updates involved a decent amount of time spent coding that really cut into the natural creative process (i.e. masturbating while writing). Now it’s so simple Ricky can do it. (this is funny because Ricky is a dumbshit) We just log into wordpress, click on post, effortlessly write a bunch of shit that makes Chaucer look like a hack, and we are done.
While this makes our life easier it benefits our readers as well through more frequent posting and, since now all posts will not be edited in any way, there is a greater chance of grammatical errors and nip-slips. It’s a win-win.
1. For those uninitiated in the HTML community, when you develop a website for someone they are obligated to have sex with you. The acronym actually stands for “Have-To-Make-Love”….to the developer….for payment.
Question #2: OK…but why go to such a standard, gay, blog layout?
The answer to this one is pretty simple. We were assholes. Ya, it seemed cool to host our own site and put stuff all over the place, wherever and whenever we felt like it.
“Screw wordpress! What if we want to put phrases and boob-pictures in weird places, giving the site a unique feel in the infinite abyss of the blog universe.” we would say all the time.
Well in the off-season we had the epiphany that never should have been necessary. All blogs are formatted this way for a reason. It is what the reader expects and can quickly navigate. The only reason anyone is visiting your site is to read your words not admire your fancy layout, so what the hell did we think we were accomplishing? An analogy….
We were like an asshole in the business world that thinks business cards are passe’. “I will do something different and standout.” says this asshole. “I’ll put my contact info on a pen, or a leatherman….then people will remember me and appreciate the effort i put into the presentation.”
What the asshole is forgetting is that nobody cares about the pallet your name and number are plastered on; they just want your damn info. All he did was put in a ton of effort to something that 1) makes him look like an amateur, and 2) gave the other person the exact same info I can give them on a post-it note. We were that kind of asshole…..now we aren’t.
Question #3: So now that you guys have more of a blog format, is your style going to change as well?
Absolutely. We have a ton of posts lined up about being moms, lolcats, bitching about celebrities, music opinions, and we plan to write about whatever google trends tells us is “hot”. Also we will start referring to everything as “the worst”. Honestly you could read anything on blogger and get the exact same information you will get from us.
Question #4: Can we expect the same cast of characters?
Yes, the whole gang is on board for season 2. Ricky, Cinci, and I are still here in the WO offices, ready to deliver the deep penetration you have been used to receiving. John Titmanson is following Mariah Carey across Japan on her “Emancipation of Mimi” Tour, but will be updating from the road. We may even try to bring in a few guest columnists if they think they can handle the sexual harassment.
So we are all sitting here ready to work; impressing the hell out of each other with our great broad concepts that we will probably never get around to giving a full write-up. (Detail isn’t really our thing) So if you tolerated the stuff we managed to throw together last year you can expect more of the same with an added veteran feel.
I can’t imagine that there would be any further questions but if you have some leave ’em in the comments.
Now with all the pleasantries out of the way maybe we can get down to actually writing about what our fan(s) came here to read…. Big XII football, and the meaning behind Miley Cyrus lyrics.