We are back…. well, "back"
Posted by: John
With a high powered offense, a Sports Illustrated cover, a tailback with a name like a hot sorority chick and the highest pre-season rankings in memory, some OSU fans are wondering just how much of a let down it will be when the Pokes inevitably fuck up this already very special season.
Jim Mellon, (OSU Senior ’10), puts it this way “It took me a month to come out of my depression after the Texas game last year. A whole freakin’ month! I failed Calculus because I forgot to go during the month of November. What sucks is that I’m already as excited about the Pokes right now as I was last year after their 7-0 start. What’s going to happen to me when they lay a fart against Georgia? Or worse, what happens when Rice beats us?”
Kelly Peppers (OSU Junior and girlfriend of Jim) echos this sentiment. “I almost broke up with Jim last year because he was all mopey and stuff after that stupid game,” she says, “I mean, I couldn’t even get him excited about a handjob in the Eskimo Joe’s parking lot. It got so bad he even made me take off the Kendall Hunter jersey he bought me for when we do it cowboy style.”
The staff at Wasted Optimism will be watching this increasing level of Poke fever throughout the season and will begin publishing a help number (not our own – it’s actually the number for a Bed Wetter’s Anonymous Group in White Plains, NY that Ricky for some reason had on his speed dial) and offering advice for what to do when the inevitable letdown occurs.
Jim put it best while shopping for some face decals at the Student Union, “I just hope we can soften the landing somehow. I can’t afford to spend a fifth year taking Calculus again.”