We are back…. well, "back"
Posted by: Samuel
So Chase Daniel is gone and by my estimate the number of girl-boy-girl threeways in Columbia are down 100% (Daniel’s departure has not affected boy-girl-boy threeways, thank god). The new quarterback for the Tigers, Blaine Gabbert, has apparently looked decent through the preseason despite having a shitty quarterback name, and an entirely new corps of receivers. OK, I actually don’t give a shit about any of this. What we really need to focus on here is:
“Beast M.O.D.E.” is the slogan for the Tigers 2009 season and they say they won’t reveal its meaning because it is so special or some bullshit. Well when a team comes up with a slogan that intriguing and won’t tell me what it means, I am either going to find the meaning, or die trying (or quit once I get bored and just make something up). So I decided to start my search for the secret meaning of “Beast M.O.D.E.”. I figured the laziest way to begin this investigation would be by binging (seriously, google?) “Beast M.O.D.E”, and letting the internet do my research. My search returned a variety of results including:
– the feeling one gets one hour after taking ecstasy
– wildin’ out
– then I searched again and accidentally typed “Breast M.O.D.E.” and the 3rd result was: “I have hairy breasts”, so I masturbated and returned to writing this post.
These search results kinda got me pointed me down a path of what “Beast M.O.D.E.” refers to (Missouri football players love ecstasy?), however they weren’t at all helpful in leading me to what “M.O.D.E.” stands for.
(Click the jump to see my other methods for finding the meaning of “Beast MODE”)
Next I called my cousin that lives in Missouri for some insider info. I figured I needed to play this just right because if this is a big Missouri secret he wouldn’t be able to share it with me. I decided I needed to pretend that I already knew the meaning and hope my cousin would begin elaborating and inadvertently spill the beans. Here is a transcript of our conversation:
Sam’s cousin: Hello
Sam: Hey …. it’s Sam
SC: How’s it going man … long time no talk.
Sam: Everything’s good. Family is doing well. I have a hit blog. Things are solid. You?
SC: Well my Dad’s been a little sick but other than that the family is doing al….
Sam: [whispering] Beast MODE
SC: …alright … um … did you just whisper something?
Sam: Not at all … continue
SC: …so the family is good. Dog is doing well. My commute kinda sucks so we are actually looking to move across….
Sam: [a little louder this time] Beast MODE
SC: …town … did you say something again?
Sam: Of course not. Keep talking..
SC: I’m sorry but I am fairly sure you said something really fast and kinda under your breath. Sounded like you said “east mow” or something.
Sam: Not “east mow” … “Beast MODE” … shit … is this part of a test or something?
SC: Is what a test? What is “Beast Mode”?
Sam: I thought maybe when you said “east mow” it was a code word that requires a specific response to show that I am in the know … nevermind … how is your dog doing?
SC: I already told you about my dog. What is wrong with you? You think I am in a secret club and I am testing you? What is “Beast Mode”?
Sam: Well it’s actually “Beast M.O.D.E” … like an acronym. But you didn’t know that right? (wink)
SC: No I didn’t know that. Why did you just say the word wink at the end there? Are you in trouble? What is “Beast Mode”?
Sam: Ecstasy … Beast M.O.D.E.
SC: Sam … you obviously think I know something I don’t. Stop saying weird things.
Sam: Beast M.O.D.E …. wildin’ out …. ecstasy
SC: Ok dude …. you are creeping me out .. I’m gonna go.
Sam: Ecstasy ….. hairy breasts
SC: jesus …. bye …. [hang up]
I never really got an answer out of my cousin, though that is in no way my fault since I played that shit perfectly. It seems the state of Missouri wants to keep “Beast M.O.D.E.” a secret and even my own cousin and bing are accomplices to keeping it from those outside of the “Show-Me State”. Well if they don’t want me to know then fuck them. I don’t want to know anyways. I’ll make up my own acronym that they don’t know.
Wins: Bowling Green, Beast M.O.D.E., Furman, Nevada, Colorado, Baylor, Iowa State
Losses: Ok-State, Nebraska, Texas, Beast M.O.D.E., Beast M.O.D.E.
Predicted Record: 8-What are you Beast M.O.D.E?