We are back…. well, "back"
Posted by: John
In a rare sighting, Oklahoma State fan Kent Maynes was recently seen being a “complete asshole” in the wake of OSU’s win over the Georgia Bulldogs.
Missy Carlson, Mayne’s friend, put it this way, “He used to be really nice. He had a good sense of humor and was really fun to be around Somewhere around that SI cover though Kent started changing. Now all he wants to do is talk about how the hippies down in Austin can suck his poke and how Dez Bryant is already being robbed for the Heisman.”
“Way to Bring it Bitches”, Mayne was quoted as yelling at a group of elderly Georgia fans leaving Boone Pickens after Saturday’s game. “Don’t make me Dez Bryant your ass!” Mayne then reportedly went to an after-game party where he and his friends proceeded to drink a keg of Natty and make fun of how hard it would be for Sam Bradford to “whack it right-handed” after injuring his throwing shoulder in OU’s game against BYU.
The complete asshole phenomenon is not exactly new. According to Dr. Kyle Domer, it has, in fact, become something of a seasonal disease in both Austin and Norman. “We generally see it in those two cities around the first of February after National Signing Day” says Domer, “it’s strange, however, to see it this far north.” Domer goes on to attribute the asshole allergy to OSU’s recent #5 AP ranking but assures W.O. that this pandemic can end as quickly as it starts in some cases. “I remember being in Austin the week after the Crabtree catch last year. People were depressed but were actually much nicer to each other. I even saw one guy in an OU Sucks t-shirt opening a door for a girl wearing a Baylor cap. He didn’t try to goose her with his BEVO horns or anything.”
Kent Mayne begs to disagree with Dr. Domer. “OSU is going undefeated” he was recently overheard yelling after taunting an 8th grader with a Texas A&M backpack. “We’re going to rock out with our cocks out cause it ain’t braggin’ if you back it up Motherfucker!”
We at Wasted Optimism wish Kent and his buddies a speedy recovery.