Wasted Optimism

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WO Team-by-Team Preview 2009 Preview: Baylor

Posted by: John

So.  Baylor.  You went up to the ACC and got a win at Wake Forest in the first week.  Nice job.  This round goes to you Art Briles.

As far as I can see you got some positives this year.  You got a kick-ass quarterback who should be drafted next year in the first round by the Titans and you’ve got some nice trick plays that certainly won’t get scouted or defended against by the third game of the season (I’d say second game actually but I think Baylor plays UConn after a bye week and we all know the Huskies aren’t known for being bright – yes I’m talking to YOU Zach Frazer).

Unfortunately, along with Robert Griffin and a nice bag of tricks, Baylor also enters into 2009 with the same problem they had in 2008.  Namely Coach Art Briles.  Briles, who cut his coaching chops with Mike Leach at Tech and then on his own at Houston, has never been one of my favorite coaches mostly due to my perceived lack of his ability to beat any of the other Big 12 coaches at the all-important hand to hand MMA style combat portion of my very subjective judging scorecard.  I mean, really, Briles has a Masters in Education from Abilene Christian.  Have you ever met anyone who’s gone to Abilene Christian?  (in a falsetto voice) Losers…!

Give me Stoops with his stupid visor, Gundy with his gel or Mack Brown with his uncanny resemblance to a rapid dog!  All I ever get from Briles is the same old easy-going-aw-shucks kind of smile that says “you might beat me on the field but I’ll still be your friend afterwards and might even let you date my sister as long as you don’t try to finger-bang her before you’re officially engaged.”  Try finger-banging Gundy’s sister – he’d have Swanson Miller over at your house bending back your fingers before you could get her a second glass of box Franzia.

Baylor might have an ok team this year.  They might beat A&M and I’m pretty sure they’ll beat Iowa State if they actually play them this year (I haven’t really checked many schedules yet).  They’ll never win at life though.  That’s my team preview and that’s on you Mr. Briles.  That’s on you…

Want my car keys?  And my sister?

Want my car keys? And my sister?

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This entry was posted on September 10, 2009 by in Team Previews.
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