We are back…. well, "back"
Posted by: Samuel
The state of corn and the un-tan is geared up for what they are hoping is the season that Head Coach, and certified asshole (but in a good way), Bo “Big Balls” Pelini can lead their Huskers back to prominence. After finishing last season with an impressive victory over Clemson in the “Nebraska – Clemson Bowl”1 and currently riding a 6 game winning streak, Husker nation is in a pale frenzy as their boys travel to Blacksburg this weekend for a highly anticipated match up with Virginia Tech.
1.Probably not the actual name of the bowl game, but I’m not looking it up … you look it up.
Attempting to not be caught up in the hype, Pelini, the mad man that “Ivory Nation” has put their faith behind, is looking at this weekend as just another game. “Every week is a measuring stick,” Pelini said. “We’ve got to measure ourselves according to where we want to be and how we’re executing. You’ve got to measure yourself every day.”
It should be noted that when speaking of measuring, Pelini is of course referring to his balls. In fact every quote by Bo Pelili is 1000 times funnier if you always assume that it is in reference to his giant testicles. By the way, to measure his testicles Pelini has to dunk them into a community pool, then remove them and measure the amount of water that was displaced from the now half-empty pool.
Other Bo quotes made great by assuming they are about his mammoth nuts.
“You’ve got to create your own energy a little bit, but our guys will feed off that atmosphere, and hopefully they’ll have a feeling of togetherness, that us-against-the-world type mentality.”
guys = balls
“We’re not going to overload them with checks and 9,000 different things. We don’t want our guys ever out there memorizing what to do.”
“I have confidence in them or I wouldn’t be putting them out there. It’s time to stand on your own two feet and be a man and show up.”
and so on and so on….
Wins: Florida Atlantic, Arkansas State, ULL, ISU, Colorado
Losses: Oklahoma, 7% skin pigmentation
Who cares: Virginia Tech, Missouri, Texas Tech, Kansas, K-State, Baylor
Final record: 5-2-6-and 2 big testicles