Wasted Optimism

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John Titmanson Jr keeps his promises

Posted by: John

While it seems like my esteemed colleagues over here at Wasted Optimism have forgotten the true spirit of journalism I want it to go on record that when John Titmanson Jr says he’ll write a column for the Monday edition of Wasted Optimism then, in fact, John Titmanson Jr will write a damn column.

And since we’re on this thread, let me tell you a few other promises that are going to be kept.

Promise One.  John Titmanson Jr will never make a morning deadline.  Last time I even remember seeing the sun before 11:00 am was last Wednesday when I went to bed around 8:00 am after a serious online Madden battle between me, Big Balls Pellini and some guy who claimed to be the Gatorade boy from Iowa State.  Needless to say, I got hammered on a batch of Old Crow punch while Pellini and I destroyed Gatorade Boy with insults about Austen Arnaud’s pending case of gonorrhea.

Promise Two.  John Titmanson is going to find a way to go on a double date with Art Briles.  I’m taking Kendall Hunter and I intend on getting lucky.  Art, you’ll be lucky if you’re old lady doesn’t join us for a threesome while you wait in the car with a paper bag wrapped around a can of diet sprite.

Promise Three.  If Ricky Tornado doesn’t get off my ass and start writing some decent stories, I’m going to make him referee a cage match between Michael Crabtree and Deion Sanders where the loser gets to sit next to him at the OSU/Tech game.  He can also tell me about commitments the day he finally posts his own bio in the about section.  A-hole.

Promise Four.  I’m going to find a way to bang Kendall Hunter.  I love chicks with muscular thighs.

Promise Five.  Iowa State will go undefeated this year.  Baylor will not win a single game.  Book it.

I’ll leave you to contemplate that slate of bold promises and predictions and end with an update on the UT/Tech game on Saturday.  Texas isn’t as good as their ranking.  Tech wasn’t as bad as their non-ranking.  Colt McCoy thanks God too much.  Mack looks like he is recovering nicely from his rabies.  Mike Leach can kiss my ass.  Oh and Texas won by 10.

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This entry was posted on September 21, 2009 by in Uncategorized.
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