We are back…. well, "back"
Posted by: Samuel
So I am going to attempt to rank the female fan bases of each of the Big 12 schools as they are represented on the internet. It’s a tough task but I feel I am up to it. Basically I am going to perform a Google Image Search (GIS) to find a bunch of pictures of girls that represent each of the Big 12 schools, do a little write up on each, then rank them. Keep in mind, this doesn’t by any means decide who has the hottest overall fanbase, but it will decide who is best represented on the internet. There are going to be some rules (see below).
(Results after the jump)
*Note: My remarks are not about the actual girls in the pictures I am displaying. All of the girls pictured are obviously attractive. My comments are in reference to what was available as a whole. The displayed pictures are just to give you something pretty to look at. You are welcome.
On to the rankings ….
Kansas … can we talk? I have been to Lawrence, I have seen your women, I have mated with them (all of them), they are attractive, … so why the hell are they not on the internet? Huh, Kansas? I mean there was almost nothing on GIS. Maybe it is a product of the word “Kansas” representing the state and the school which muddled the search, but I didn’t have that problem to this degree with the other state schools. However, I was able to achieve a semi-chub thanks to all the slutty Dorothy costumes that come up on any Kansas related search, so all wasn’t lost.
Yes I know this one breaks a rule and doesn’t have a KU logo in it. Even with it Kansas is in last place and I had to show something for them.
#11. Kansas State
Is the state of Kansas unaware of digital camera technology? Do we need to have a charity drive to collect people’s old digital cameras and air drop them over the Sunflower State? Are all your pictures on 35mm? Send them over to me and I will scan them and upload them. Jesus. I have to assume that the technology hasn’t reached Kansas yet because I refuse to believe the alternative that there aren’t many good looking girls in Kansas. I know you have good looking girls. Take pictures of them. Are you even trying?
(in disappointed voice) Baylor, Baylor, Baylor, Baylor. I was so excited to google “Baylor + Hot Girls”. I was expecting to see a slew of naughty girls rebelling against the religious standards set by the university by posting pics of themselves wearing low cut shirts and maybe even dancing. Not so. I am convinced that you have tons of hot girls, but you are not sharing many of them with the internet. Work on that Baylor.
#9. Iowa State
Well now things are getting a little better. Iowa State didn’t set a record for results but at least they had results. I didn’t have to get too creative with the search terms and was actually able to find girls fairly quickly. I will say this, if ISU girls really all look about like their representatives on GIS, then it would be a great school to attend. Almost all Iowa State GIS girls fall into the “cute” category. I promise you that was meant as a compliment. I didn’t find a single bombshell in ISU attire but I did find a ton of girls that any of us at Wasted Optimism would be happy to share a beer and our penis with. Good work Iowa State. Your overall body of work is outstanding.
This was a tough call between 7 and 8. Really Missouri may have tied for 7th. The only reason I bumped them down is that they were lacking the one big time, attention grabbing pic. Missouri is in the same category as ISU with a lot of cute and pretty down home type girls (which I love), but MU throws a little bit more confidence and sluttyness into the mixture. Works well with an internet full of masturbators. All you are missing is a home run, but you are well represented Missouri. Now please pass your cameras to the left so Kansas can participate.
#7. Oklahoma State
I wanted to be a homer here. I really did. But the fact is that there is no way I can justify my alma-mater being any higher than this. There just wasn’t the volume of images that the schools above this offered. I spent 5 years in Stillwater, and I know for a fact that Ok-State could be #1 on this list if there were just more pics available. If I have to take the pictures and upload them myself then that may be what happens. So this weekend at the Rice game, look out for a dude with a camera trying to convince a girl that her throwback Barry Sanders jersey would look better tied up at her midsection or just taken off and draped over her shoulders.
The biggest shocker of the rankings. Going into this I thought for sure that Nebraska would trot out a few pale girls and a lot of pics of Tom Osborne’s face photoshopped on Jessica Alba’s body. (that’s what I assume Nebraska fans masturbate too.) But I was completely wrong. Nebraska not only provided a large assortment to choose from, they boast quite a few outright knockouts. Now I feel silly for my jokes about Nebraska girls being pale and boring having been proven incorrect. I hate admitting that I was wrong, but if the product of me being wrong is a bunch of images of hot Nebraska girls .. then OK … I was wrong.
#5. Texas A&M
Probably the second biggest shocker for me. I didn’t doubt that A&M had it’s share of hot girls, but I just assumed that all the images on GIS would be of them kissing cadets or doing pushups or something. Maybe an incorrect stereotype on my part but it was definitely proven wrong. I am happy to report that I would be ecstatic to introduce my 12” man to the girls of Texas A&M. See, it’s a play on the 12th man thing. I’m saying 12 inch man. Like I have a 12 inch penis. Which is way true. Enjoy it Lady Aggies.
Take this one with a grain of salt. If these rankings were based only on the overall selection from GIS, then OU would have been down below Iowa State. But since I am basing this on who is best “represented” on the internet, the picture of the two girls with the shirts torn down the middle that everyone has seen a thousand times is the best representation anyone can ask for. I am going to say that it makes up for that lack of selection for now. My mind could easily be changed on this though. Once you try to dig deeper than those famous pics, there were a few nice ones of typical cute college girls like all the other schools outside of the state of Kansas can boast, but not a lot of them. If any school is primed to fall in these rankings, it is the Sooners.
Of course a perennial top 10 party school with around 85% of their student body coming from out of state should be in the top 10. They are cherry-picking talent from around the country. They are like the Jenks of hot girls in the Big XII. CU’s image search offers a lot of variety and tons of top tier talent. The only thing that kept them behind the top 2 schools is the lack of skin in their pictures. All girls are fully clothed … no exposed bellies, no freakish cleavage, no obscene shots with a sex toy that has a school logo sticker on the side of it. Just fresh faced, pretty girls. It’s like flipping through a Gap catalog. You are right on the brink Colorado. You are one nip-slip away from moving up a spot in the rankings.
You thought they would be #1 didn’t you? You aren’t alone in thinking this. Unfortunately for the Longhorns, posting racy pictures of yourself seems to be a right-of-passage in Lubbock. Don’t get me wrong, Texas still represents, and represents well. And I am pretty sure that if I wanted to spend more time searching I could get around the muddling that happens when searching all the state schools and find enough to push Texas up to 1st place. The results I did get were fantastic. Lots of cowboy hats and exposed mid-drifts. I will say this though. If I were to pick a girl based on these results I would go with one from ISU before Texas. These UT girls are beautiful, but in almost every picture they are trying to be beautiful. Does that make sense? That being said, they are still great to look at.
#1. Texas Tech
Great work Red Raiders. The GIS results were seemingly endless. This was the most difficult one to narrow down to the two results to display. However, this one might deserve to have a small asterisk next to it, since the search criteria is the easiest with Tech. You search “Texas Tech + hot girl” and that is the results you will get. No pictures of Oklahoma State Fair Hot Dogs of which I found dozens of when performing the OSU search. Not to take anything away from what Tech has accomplished here. You are #1, and you have earned it. So now that you have won this can you guys please quit acting like you are so disrespected and feeling so angsty towards the rest of the Big XII? I know now what your women look like and what they are capable of … there is plenty to be proud of in Lubbock.