Wasted Optimism

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Nick Rockwell. OSU’s Best Player Ever.

Sometimes a player is successful because of genetics.  Some magical mutation of genes and chromosomes and whatnot just make some guys so fast, so big or so freakishly strong that it almost becomes a question of God daring them to fail at sports.  Other athletes succeed because of how they grew up.  You think Mike Tyson becomes Mike Tyson if he had been born into a charming brownstone on the East Side?  Mike Tyson’s dad was a pimp, his mother died when he was 16 and the guys in his gang called him Fairy Boy because of his lisp.  He was destined to kick the crap out of anything that moved because of his upbringing.  Sometimes, however, athletes win because of foresight.  I don’t mean practice.  I can do that.  I mean the type of foresight and planning that happens way before birth.  That’s why Nick Rockwell will become one of the greatest players in OSU history.

What were his parents thinking when he was born?  I have to believe the conversation went something like this:

Nick’s Dad: Honey, I’ve got an idea

Nick’s Mom: Oh really Dear, what?

Nick’s Dad: Let’s name our unborn child the most bad-ass porn star football hot shit name we can think of

Nick’s Mom: Uh, ok.  What do you have in mind?

Nick’s Dad:  In mind?  What I have in mind is NICK ROCKWELL….

Nick Rockwell is a name that will catch balls with one hand and sprint game time 40’s in the low 3 second range.  Nick Rockwell is a name that will make everyone else around him look silly and lost as he tips the ball over the goal post and comes down with it in his teeth.  It’s worked in the past.  Don’t for second think that this same exact conversation didn’t happen in the McCoy household a few years before.

So Nick, here’s my prediction.  You will become the 5’7″

Nick Rockwell - Destiny's Pick of the Year

receiver that leads the Pokes to the BCS Championship game and beyond.  You will lay many women and sire many children and you can thank foresight for all of it.

And if all else fails, you can definitely get on as a presenter at the next AVN awards in Vegas.

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This entry was posted on June 23, 2010 by in Oak-State, OSU, Uncategorized.
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